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The Final Stretch of a Difficult Year

June 5, 2012

Ok, it has been too long since my last post and I am not going to let this blog fade away.  The ironic thing is that I have actually written a lot in the last two weeks, but my mind has raced so much lately that I can’t seem to finish any of the pieces I have started.  I have a document folder that is packed with over a dozen great (in my opinion) posts that are anywhere between 50% – 75% done.  Then there are another dozen or so in the under 50% category, not to mention the countless great ideas I haven’t actually started yet.

So in an effort to be consistent with my output, my goal is to publish one substantial post every week on Sunday evenings/Monday mornings.  I will still scatter in various rants throughout the week as inspiration arises.

I want to make the rest of this post a little more personal than normal.  Hopefully it will help me center my thoughts and regain my focus without feeling like I have to write something extremely deep and meaningful every time I start to write.

I suppose I have been particularly distracted lately because we are approaching the end of the school year.  This week in particular has been very emotional for me.  At my previous school, one graduation requirement is the senior exhibition.  Every student plans and schedules their own exhibition where they summarize their educational careers; what they have learned, accomplished, how they have grown and how they still need to grow to be successful in life after high school – all in front of family, friends and teachers.  They generally last around 90 minutes and conclude with a barrage of questions, comments, laughs and tears from the audience.  It is like a cross between a thesis defense and a graduation party.

It is difficult to understand without experiencing one, but if you have read the ‘about me’ page of my blog you can probably imagine how difficult it has been for me to attend the exhibitions of my former students as a guest – and not as their teacher or advisor.  I feel kind of guilty saying that.  This is their moment, not mine, but it still just bugs the hell out of me.  It’s not that I want any credit or special recognition for the accomplishments of my students.  And I hate the spotlight almost as much as I hate sitting in the audience.  I was always meant to be a back stage guy – and I hate that I wasn’t able to be there during their senior year.

As much as this year outside of the classroom has been completely necessary and beneficial for me, I am beyond restless and excited to get back into the classroom.  That is the main reason these exhibitions are so difficult for me.  I am watching students I know and care about demonstrate everything that makes me so passionate about education jam-packed into 90 minute sessions.  I feel like an athlete that got injured right before the postseason and had to watch his team win the trophy from the sidelines.  I know I played my part and that I was never more than a small piece of something much bigger – but sitting on the bench is torture when you are used to being on the field.

More than anything else I am extremely happy for and proud of my former students.

I may never say this again so I will say it now:

I can’t wait for this summer to be over.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Linda Wolfe permalink
    June 5, 2012 1:56 pm

    Be careful what you wish for! That is our journey. May what you share and teach be amplified and returned to bless you a thousand fold, better yet 8,549,176,320 fold. Hope the time will fly while you’re engrossed in doing what brings you joy.
    Love,

Every time I get a comment I give my dog a treat!

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